The Apocalypse of Central
by FullmetalAlchemist64
Summary: One-shot. In which the higher-ups decide that it's time Edward started wearing a military uniform. Rated T because of Edward being… well, Edward. ;D


**AN: Welcome to my first FMA fanfiction! Sorry it's so short! (Hehe! humor…) ENJOY! ;3**

**oOoOoOo**

"BUT **WHY**!?"

Edward's voice echoed around the room, causing a very annoyed Colonel Mustang to wince and clap his hands to his ears.

"I already told you, Fullmetal. It's military procedure for ALL officers to be in uniform when on duty. Your superiors have finally taken notice of the fact that every time they see you, you're violating the dress code."

"But I'm always out on missions, not here, so I don't really see how the hell it matters!" Edward yelled, glaring at the Colonel with murderous intent clear on his face.

"You don't have a choice, Fullmetal."

"I won't wear it."

Colonel Mustang sighed, looking Edward right in the eye.

"Fullmetal, if you won't wear the uniform, I will have no other option than to court martial you. Then you and your brother won't be able to search for the philosopher's stone anymore. Your choice."

For a second, Edward looked like he was going to strangle Roy with his own spine, but after a minute he calmed down to just furiously enraged.

"FINE. I'll wear the damn uniform, you bastard. Though I still don't see why the fuck it matters."

Mustang released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Things had gone smoother than he expected.

"Good. You're to report to room 303 so you can be measured and given the appropriate size. It's down the hall and to the left-"

"I KNOW where it is!" Edward growled, cutting Mustang off. He tuned on his heel and stomped out of the colonel's office. People in the hallway parted for him instantly. Most of them had heard stories about what happened to those unlucky enough to be the object of Edward's wrath, and none of them wanted to end up as a steaming pile of goo on the floor.

Ed muttered curses and threats to no one in particular as he stormed all the way to room 303.

"Damn assholes. Who do they think they are? Freaking jerks…"

Before he knew it, Edward found himself standing in front of room 303. He glared at the number above the door as if it had personally offended him.

'_Do it for Al,_' he reminded himself. '_We have to find the philosopher's stone and get our bodies back. Endure the stupid uniform._'

Edward tried to tone down his glare in an attempt to not scare the people in the room, but it was hopeless.

"Whatever…" he mumbled, and pushed open the door. Inside he was greeted by a man with a tape measure in his hand and a bored look on his face.

"Mr. Elric?" the man inquired, peering down at him, which pissed Ed off even more.

"Yeah. Let's just get this dumb thing over with." he growled, mentally burning a hole in the wall with his eyes.

"Please go stand on that stool, Mr. Elric." the guy said. "It will make it easier to measure you."

Edward walked over to a wooden stool in the middle of the room and stepped up onto it. He spent the next 15 minutes thinking over possible leads to the stone while the man measured his waist, shoulders, arms and legs. Finally, the old guy finished, and wrote down Ed's measurements on a piece of paper.

"You're free to go, Mr. Elric. Please return to Colonel Roy Mustang's office and wait for your new uniform to be delivered."

Edward rolled his eyes and jumped off the stool.

"It's about time…" he muttered, pulling on his red coat and walking out the door. Once again, the people in the hallway moved out of his way as soon as they saw the annoyed expression on his face. Death was not a part of their schedules today.

When Edward reached the Mustang's office, he threw open the door, stalked over to one of the couches, and plopped down on it. Roy looked up from his paperwork at the thoroughly irritated teen.

"How'd it go, Fullmetal?"

"How do you think?" Ed snapped. "It was totally BORING."

Mustang opened his mouth to say something else, but Lieutenant Hawkeye hurried over and stopped him.

"Sir, I think Edward is annoyed enough already. Don't make it worse." she said firmly, as if reprimanding a child.

"THANK YOU, Hawkeye." Ed grouched. "That cocky bastard is getting on my nerves."

Roy sighed, but went back to his work. The next 10 minutes were very quiet and tense, seeing as Edward's dark purple, angry aura was filling the room.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a soldier walked through the door. Mustang popped up immediately, in an attempt to relieve the tension.

"Ah, good, do you have Fullmetal's new uniform?" he asked the man. The soldier shifted a little, looking embarrassed.

"Um, actually sir, I was sent to tell you that there were some…uh… problems… with Mr. Elric's measurements." Hearing this, Ed got up, scowling.

"I am NOT doing that again, if that's what you mean." he said, folding his arms stubbornly. Mustang ignored him and looked at the soldier.

"What kind of problems?" he asked, hoping it was something small that could be fixed.

"Well, the smallest uniform size the military makes is a small." the poor soldier said hesitantly. "And Mr. Elric's measurements would come to a size of extra -extra small…"

Mustang's eyes widened, but before he could do anything, Edward had exploded.

"**WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY LITTLE BEANSPROUT MIDGET THAT DOESN'T DRINK MILK AND IS SO SMALL THAT HE HAS TO BE CAREFUL WALKING DOWN THE STREET BECAUSE HE MIGHT GET STEPPED ON BY AN ANT!"**

**oOoOoOo**

Epilogue:

And so, at the end of the day, the higher-ups realized that Edward definitely did NOT need to wear the military uniform after all, seeing as half of Central Command was blown up when he finally snapped. In the aftermath, almost 1/3 of the soldiers were walking around in a daze with their hair singed and scorch marks all over their uniforms. Hence, the dress code was pointless anyway, and they rescinded the order almost immediately. It helped that Ed showed up at their door with his automail transmuted into a blade and a murderous look in his eyes. The date went down in military history, now known among the soldiers as "The Apocalypse of Central."

**AN: So, this just came to me last night, and I felt like I had to write it. After all, what FMA fan HASN'T dreamed of seeing Ed in a uniform? I do all the time! So review if you want to, but don't feel pressured! Thanks! And a shout out for those of you following I'd Die For You- FEAR NOT! The next chapter will be up very soon! Hasta la Pasta, my friends! ;D**


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